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Creating Healthy Patterns

Updated: May 3, 2021

Why changing jobs, relationships, etc., does not work until you shift what is underneath.

"When you are in a new situation, relationship or job, everything rushes to the surface that needs healing. Unless you pause and take a breath, you will repeat the same old same old pattern (of disappointment or unhappiness) in your life." Iyanla Vanzant

Many times, the hope is when we leave a 'bad' relationship or job, moving to a new neighborhood to 'get rid' of what is unhealthy in our lives, we feel we create a new beginning. That may be the case. But often, the same patterns appear in our life, over and over. Why? To make a real and lasting change or create a more pleasing reality, we must pause and take a breath, as Vanzant says. If not, our old instinct or habitual reaction will kick in and create the same pattern, the same outcome. Maybe the specifics are different, but the same feelings are present.

Steps to Change Patterns…. The How:

Step 1: Check-in and be honest. Do you feel worthy of happiness, joy, harmony, peace, and fulfillment? If the answer is yes, move to Step 2. If the answer is no, this is the point of creating BIG change in your life. What mistruth did you believe that said you were not worthy? Without a doubt, it was NOT true. Begin to FEEL that you are good enough. Look in the mirror until you see an exceptionally beautiful presence looking back at you. This experience can be deep work and the most important thing you will do in your life!

Step 2: PAUSE! It may seem minor, but this is the game changer! It can be just for a few second to focus on your breath. This moment gives you time not to react to any negative thoughts that occur when you are either in a difficult situation or a memory of it pops up. Now, this is the moment you begin to change a pattern. If you are finding it hard to do this, go back to Step 1 and dig deeper.

Step 3: NOTICE what you say to yourself. Pausing creates this possibility. Is it something along the lines of, "I am a terrible person!" or "They are a terrible person" or "Why does this always happen to me?" Here is the most WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY for soul work along the lines of guilt/shame regarding yourself or others! YAY!!!

Step 4: RECOGNIZE the MISALIGNMENT between negative self-talk and positive self-worth. All that has happened is simply a misalignment. You now need to retrain your brain to react to feelings of worthiness! If you feel you are worthy, you know that life is here to support and love you. Therefore, you will KNOW that this situation is more than it seems. The situation must be here FOR you, rather than out to get you!

Step 5: RETRAINING begins! Replace the shame or guilt-ridden comments with "What I am to learn/remember from this?" Frederick Bailes suggests, "What has this to teach me?" and "What good can it yield me?" Anything along these lines will work! Here is the beginning of a massive shift! When we shift our thoughts from 'out to get me' versus 'life is teaching me', it changes everything! The glass is now half full! For some, this is a significant shift in the way we were taught to believe since we were children. Be gentle with yourself and know you are worth it!

Step 6: REPEAT as needed each time the old self-talk patterns come into play.

Step 7: WITNESS and ALLOW LOVE. Watch what happens. It may be an AHA in that moment or the next hours or days. A person may say the most amazing thing to you, or a book literally flies off a shelf for you to read. Or you may 'tune in' to the incredible wisdom inside of you all along and find your truths. Simply, you are becoming more of your Divine Self!

Pause, Notice, Accept, Retrain, Repeat, Witness and Allow Love!

All of this comes from a simple PAUSE/Non-reaction, silencing the reaction of the mind and mouth. NOTICE what you tell yourself. Is it helpful or harmful to you or others? RETRAIN your thoughts and REPEAT if needed. WITNESS what happens next and ALLOW LOVE to enter your life in the most beautiful and unexpected ways! KNOW IT IS POSSIBLE, and the more rapidly it will occur.


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